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The Resolutionaries are Coming

I have a friend who refers to the "resolutionaries," the people who resolve to get in better shape with the start of the new year, flooding the gym for a week or two or perhaps the whole of January and then disappear.

New Years resolutions do not work. Coming off the holidays and expecting to make a dramatic change in the midst of the winter (I write this on the first bitter cold of the season). Of course we all want to wake up magically different, more disciplined, maybe thinner.

Last year, rather than make resolutions, I chose a theme, something to carry through the year as a point of evolution rather than a distinct goal. The theme of 2015 was "reinvention." That was easy. My wife was expecting in April, we moved from Brooklyn to Inwood, Zim arrived early, I left my job and my stagnating "career" to become a stay-at-home father. It's been challenging, rewarding, frustrating, amazing, and scary. It's like jumping off a cliff, not entirely sure whether you can fly, but there's a fantastic view.

This year I've chosen the theme of commitment. My self-doubt has crushed me for a long time, and having a child has only amplified it. I doubt all my choices often, I spend a lot of time worrying over whether I'm taking a misstep or whether to take a step at all. I've struggled with the notion of being a SAHD - Should I be working? Would Zim be better off in daycare? Am I doing enough for her development? This year, I'm just going to enjoy where I am and do the things I'm interested in. Enjoy my time with Zim, even if it means missing more sleep (I miss sleep soooo much). Read, of course, and not worry I'm missing something. Run, if the weather warms up. And write, like this. Feels good. Of course, I had to wait until she went down and I'm tired and I need a shower.

No one said parenthood was glamorous.

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